One Minute Elder

ELDERS GET AHEAD OF THEIR PARTINGS

ELDERS GET AHEAD OF THEIR PARTINGS
They Don’t Need to Say Goodbye, They’re Already Gone

“Be ahead of all parting, as though it already were behind you,” Rainer Maria Rilke wrote in Sonnets to Orpheus.

To make the passage from Older to Elder, you consciously work on getting ahead of your partings. It’s a recognition and reflection assignment.

Why is it difficult to get ahead of our partings?

Because of our attachments. Attachments enshrined in us by culture, family systems, ego, and most of all, fear.

As we grow old, we become attached to:

Who and what we once were.
Controlling the future.
Staying relevant, avoiding obsolescence.
Believing our past identities will provide future significance.
Living life so as not to deal with our deaths.

Being attached means holding tightly to a person, belief, identity, possession, or desired outcome—believing who you are depends upon keeping it.

Attachments whisper, “This must remain as I want it, or I cannot be at peace.”

Attachments can turn the things we possess into things that possess us.

Having is the verb of attachment. Having the driver. It makes who you are determined by what you have.

“Have” refers to everything you possess, receive, achieve, retain, experience, or believe belongs to you. Have, have, have.

We usually think of “having” materially: having a house, money, books, photographs, and the impressive collection of things our children will eventually have to dispose of. But “Have” is much larger than possession.

We also have:

Relationships and roles
Health and physical abilities
Status, influence, and recognition
Beliefs and opinions
Memories and personal history
Plans for the future
An identity—who we believe ourselves to be

Now, this isn’t necessarily about giving everything away. No need to place the sofa, wedding silver, and family photographs on the sidewalk before breakfast.

Having is what belongs to you. Being is who you are—even when what you have is gone. It isn’t about the things. It’s about who is relating to them.

It is about becoming free enough that if something disappears, changes, breaks, or passes on to someone else, you do not disappear with it.

“Be ahead of all parting, as though it already were behind you,” requires altering your relationship with “having.”

Elders know that parting is not a single event waiting at the end of life. Partings are happening continuously. We part from youth, careers, positions, physical abilities, homes, friendships, spouses, familiar roles, and cherished versions of ourselves.

Some partings happen with our permission. Most do not bother to ask.

Elders can appreciate possessions without confusing them with themselves.

Elders can honor their history without requiring it to guarantee their future.

BE—DO—HAVE

Be-Do-Have is a model that has served me well since 1978. It gives me another way to understand myself and the world. It is the looking glass, not the one who is looking.

Most of my life I’ve lived backward: Have-Do-Be. If I have enough money, recognition, security, or time, I can do what matters and finally be peaceful.

As an Elder, I have reversed the order.

Who will I be, regardless of what I have?

From that way of being, what am I called to do?

Whatever I then have becomes useful—but not essential to who I am.

To intervene with the “have–do–be” routine, Elders focus on who they are “being,” which automatically alters what they “do,” thus changing their actions and thinking.

Elders understand, you don’t need much when you be enough.

That is how Elders get ahead of their partings. They do not stop possessing or participating in life. They stop requiring what they love to remain.

They hold everything dear—and nothing captive.

Then, when life finally asks them to release what they have, they do not disappear with it. They remain who they have chosen to be—whole, present, grateful—and very much free.

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SOMETIMES THE FUTURE ARRIVES EARLY

Launching Fall of 2026

Growing old is already underway.
Becoming an Elder is not.
MAKE THE CHOICE.

Artificial intelligence (AI) was used selectively to assist with research, due diligence, fact-checking, references, and editorial refinement. The author independently evaluated all material and takes full responsibility for the ideas, conclusions, and final content. AI was a tool—not a coauthor.