A One-Minute Elder
BECOMING NOBODY
BECOMING NOBODY
One gift of being an Elder is that most things don’t get stuck for very long.
Anger. Resentment. Hurt feelings. Unspoken communications. These things certainly occur. They are part of being human. They come with the package.
The difference is not that Elders don’t get triggered.
The difference is that they don’t stay triggered. At least, most of the time.
Let’s not get carried away and make Elders into saints. As an Elder, I sometimes fall into a deep hole, pull up a chair, and spend a few days there.
Life happens. Heartbreak. Loss. Failure. Disappointment. Illness. Rejection. Life comes with unavoidable consequences.
And, thankfully, the other side happens too.
Love. Friendship. Purpose. Success. Joy.
Though I’ve noticed something curious. The unpleasant experiences never stay as long as we want them to leave, and the pleasant experiences never stay as long as we want them to remain.
Elders have the same things happen to them as everybody else. They are just able to respond differently.
THE PROJECT OF BECOMING SOMEBODY
I grew up in a family and culture where becoming a somebody was the primary assignment.
Get good grades.
Get a respected career.
Become successful.
Make something of yourself.
In short, become a somebody.
And I did.
I became a respected professional. I achieved. I accumulated. I accomplished. I gathered titles, credentials, and recognition.
Man, was I a somebody, but that somebody wasn’t free. I was entrapped in this somebody incarnation.
The problem was that when your identity is built around being somebody, portions of life become threatening.
Because a somebody is an object.
And objects exist in a world of forces.
They are evaluated, compared, judged, rewarded, rejected, elevated, and diminished.
As long as your identity is organized around being somebody, life will feel like something happening to you rather than through you.
Promoted.
Demoted.
Praised.
Ignored.
Included.
Excluded.
As a somebody, life is always doing it to you.
Sometimes in large waves.
Sometimes in irritating little ripples.
But always to you.
I mean by “to” that you are the object of events. Things are acting upon you. You’re being affected, pushed, bumped, rewarded, punished, praised, or criticized.
When you are the object, this somebody, you’re a pinball at the top of the game, being ricocheted around by the bumpers with no control. And loss of control breeds fear, frustration, and helplessness.
THE ELDER SHIFT
Elders work to become a nobody.
Not invisible.
Not insignificant.
Not passive.
A nobody in the sense that Elders are no longer organizing life around protecting, defending, proving, promoting, or preserving an identity.
The Elder’s magic wand isn’t that bad things stop happening.
They don’t.
The magic wand is that fewer and fewer things and their aftermath don’t stick around.
Joy moves through them.
Sorrow moves through them.
Success moves through them.
Failure moves through them.
Praise moves through them.
Criticism moves through them.
Life moves through them.
“Through” implies participating in, processing, and allowing experience to move through your awareness without getting stuck.
As an Elder, there is much less “somebody” to get hooked on.
Less defending.
Less proving.
Less needing life to go a particular way.
When life is organized around being a somebody, everything feels personal.
When life is allowed to move through you, everything becomes experience.
Not an easy experience.
Not always a welcome experience.
But experience, nonetheless.
And because of that, Elders become lighter.
More available.
More present.
Less concerned with being a somebody.
More committed to being a human being through whom life is unfolding.
That is the Elder’s greatest magic wand.
Abra-Cadabra – I’m nobody.
Life never stops happening. But eventually it stops happening to you. And begins happening through you.”
EXPANDING THE ELDERS REACH
Go Fishing Where the Fish Are
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